Tl;dr: Don't Wait
What if you are ready enough?
Photo from the Shalom Hartman Institute’s February 27 FB post
A dear friend spotted this photo on Facebook and sent it to me last night. Looking at it led to some reflection on what last summer meant for me, so I thought I’d share a little in case some of these musings could be helpful for you, too.
Being at the Rabbinic Torah Seminar at the Shalom Hartman Institute was a master class in a powerful, pluralistic approach to teaching and learning that makes room for and respects every voice in the room. It also helped me step into a new orientation around what it means to be “ready.”
My experience there was instrumental in affirming that I could no longer push away or put off beginning rabbinical school, a longing and calling that rode shotgun for three decades, waiting patiently and sometimes not so patiently.
There were all of the usual suspects for why it was never the "right time," time and money chief among them. The money is still a big ole question, to be honest.
But more so, something less evident kept me from leaping. It's funny because my first thought is to tell you that a lack of self-confidence held me back. And there is truth in that. But with each passing day, I have another thought: Maybe I didn't need more self-confidence, but more humility. More beginner's mind. A different orientation on what "ready enough" can look like.
To embark on a major life change at any age can be, maybe invariably will be, intimidating. But the idea that I didn't *know* enough was never, I suspect, a problem, or at least not the whole story.
Why not?
Because knowledge is something a person can attain over time. That's *why* we seek out opportunities that will stretch us to or even beyond the edges of what feels comfortable or within our zone of readiness.
Throwing myself into the deep end of Jewish learning last summer was a leap that intimidated the hell out of me, and I'm so glad I took it.
I am still dancing with those parts of me that psych me out. Instead of dragging around insecurity about what I don't know, I'm embracing the not-knowing as a potent place to dwell – and remembering that Judaism is a tradition that rests on asking questions even more than it cares about settling on answers.
Whatever it is you are called to, don't wait until you feel like you know enough. Take what you do know and let it be the seedling you plant in the cold March soil. Tend to it. Nurture it. Watch it grow.
The more public, the more criticism! Bravery to be yourself_means_being completely free to make an utter fool of yourself. (You know this so well, Joyce Braunhut!!! Clowning 🤪)
I can say that the willingness to be myself and do my work (such as it is!) was at first for me, very challenging! Lots and lots of ego deaths that hurt like hell. The context, knowing that really I had no choice, was more important than the jabs of pain..a sometimes miserable process with rich rewards. I am happy to say that freedom feels so —haha— freeing.
I am excited for you, Jena!!! You are such a talented and intelligent leader. Keep going, my friend. ❤️
Fellow Schwartz, I am in awe of so much of you but this later stage “career” life journey path may be the pinnacle. In short, you are inspiring, and I would go to any Shul/temple you led.