My Jewish Heart Aches

There is no winning in war

Binaries cut me off from my connection to our shared greater humanity.

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I'm sick over what's happening in Israel and Palestine.

I'm sick for the suffering, murders, kidnappings.

For the images in my feed of people vanished or dead.

For the stories of frightened children, grandmothers missing.

The human heart – my heart – breaks.

My Jewish heart aches. I want to hold my own children close.

A (non-Jewish) friend sent me a note yesterday acknowledging the trauma of this. I felt seen. Thank you, friend.

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I am someone invested in anti-oppression work AND I stand with Israel's right to exist, even as its own democracy is on life support due to a racist, right-wing government, AND I stand with the Palestinian people's right to justice and self-governance.

Where does that leave me?

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We went to a talk a few weeks ago at the synagogue between our rabbi, Benjamin Weiner, and Dr. Jesse Ferris, a vice president at the Israel Democracy Institute. The purpose of this public conversation was to offer our community a front-row-seat analysis of the current state of affairs in Israeli politics – something that honestly, I find head-spinning most of the time.

I learned so much.

And we heard Henia Lewin, a member of our congregation, stand up and ask a question. She sounded to be on the verge of tears as she spoke of antisemitism in the U.S. being at an all-time high.

According to a White House Fact Sheet released in May of this year: "American Jews account for 2.4% of the U.S. population, but they are the victims of 63% of reported religiously motivated hate crimes, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)."

Lewin, born in 1940, was one of the fewer than 2,000 Lithuanian Jews to survive the Holocaust. When she raised the specter of antisemitism, her voice broke.

"Where will we go?"

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Everyone deserves a safe place to go, to be, to live, to work, to create, to learn, to pray, to exist.

Human rights are human rights, and the current Israeli government's track record on that front is abysmal.

As I have seen written elsewhere today, murdering Israelis is not fighting for Palestinian rights, and I can’t abide by statements that essentially say Israelis are getting what they deserve. That is a line for me. Hamas is a terrorist organization, full stop.

Also: Unhealed trauma begets more trauma.

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Anytime I try to squeeze myself into a box – us and them – I cut myself off from my connection to our shared greater humanity.

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My mother has often told me the story of her father as he was dying. He had practiced Christian Science for many years, including in raising my mom and her three sisters. She asked him about his relationship to Judaism.

"Always a Jew, Peggy," he told her.

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This new war adds to the makings of a global geopolitical disaster that will spare none of us.

I don't know where this post ends. It doesn't, really.

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My heart is in Israel. Not with an oppressive government, but with the people. This is not the same as saying my heart is not with Palestinians.

There is no winning when one people’s existence comes at the cost of another’s.

Where does this leave us?

At a loss. Praying for peace.

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