Friday Dispatch: Strong, Stable, and Learning
A catalog of small changes with big impacts
Friday greetings,
As some of you know, my spouse M.J.’s hysterectomy was rescheduled for early Friday morning (which is now TODAY!!), so I am writing this on Wednesday from a sunny spot on the couch. (Why rescheduled, you ask? Major insurance SNAFU less than 24 hours before the original mid-January date.)
I’m a little tired right now. It’s 2:00pm, and Chalupa woke me up at 5:00am because the poo-poos were knocking. (Yes, we actually say things like this. I don’t mind if you laugh!) I thought about going back to bed, but once I’m up, I’m generally up, and once I’m up, I don’t mind it.
After feeding Chupie and taking her outside to sniff around the tundra, I stripped off my winter layers and poured my coffee. I wrote out the morning prayer modah ani, along with a few other sleepy thoughts, in my journal. I scrolled through the New York Times online, reading several articles. I did the games, as I do every morning, texting my kids my results for the Mini Crossword, Wordle, Connections, and Strands. I call these my “proof of life” texts, lest my kids wonder if I am, you know, alive. Coffee mug sadly empty – I only drink one cup and truly savor every sip – I got up to make myself breakfast.
I have been thinking a lot about this lately, so bear with me because today’s Dispatch is shaping up to be especially quotidian.
So, I am a person who has not always been consistent about breakfast. And I can tell you this – I kind of want to shout it from the rooftops, actually: IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MEAL OF THE DAY. They were right! Well, I don’t know if it’s really the most important. Kind of seems unfair to lunch, dinner, and snacks to make such a proclamation. But it is safe to say that eating a good breakfast every day is a game-changer.
For me, this has been four prunes (because hello 50s with a history of a slow digestive tract) and homemade oatmeal with raisins, maple syrup, and a splash of cream. It is the kind of small thing that sounds small until you implement it, and then you begin to experience the shift that comes only when a new habit sticks and you start experiencing actual benefits.
This has resulted in steadier energy all morning instead of that awful hunger spike and crash that can happen if you eat too late or skip meals, and has generally contributed to an overall feeling of being more regulated, not only physically but mentally and emotionally, too. In a welcome domino effect, my desire for a good lunch has increased. And I’m enjoying cooking more!
Because you can’t eat oatmeal every morning.
Another thing I’ve started building into my life is some moderate strength training and more consistent stretching and yoga. I’m not going to a gym or studio, but doing 20-30 minute videos through Heart + Bones (where M.J. did their first yoga teacher training – highly recommend for every age, level, and body).
I’ve already noticed differences I’m attributing to this, too, including, again, steadier energy and mood. (In the past, even when I was running 20 miles a week during Covid, I barely stretched, much less did any cross-training. This is an easy recipe for injury, stiffness, and chronic pain. Not good.)
Today, after the aforementioned morning and a good meeting with a client who is making steady progress on his book, I ran 3.7 miles at a decent pace, including two little hills that did not feel little. I thought of the word I learned from Sarah Barry: Apricity. It means “the warmth of the sun in winter.” Aaaaaah. Nothing like it. The temperatures have been, shall we say, RIDICULOUS, and on days like today when they reach into the high 20s and the sun is out, I feel like I could break out in song. There were even birds singing!
I took a quick shower when I got home, then sat with M.J. over lunch. We meal planned for the next couple of weeks and did an online grocery shop, knowing that I will be doing all of the cooking during their initial recovery, and they will be needing a steady stream of protein- and nutrient-dense meals. It felt good, as teamwork does, at its best.
I also wrote down the passwords for their phone and computer, not that I will need them (kine hora, which is Jewish for knocking wood), and made sure I had the phone numbers of everyone they want me to notify as soon as they’re out of surgery. For the second time, we are ready. As they wrote today over at Uterine Rebellion: “The one good thing about the long wait due to this red tape fever dream is that most of my anxiety has been replaced with readiness and certainty.”
What other daily life things can I tell you? These days, so much is part and parcel with midlife. Take last night, for example. We were sitting side by side on the couch with our feet up on the coffee table, shortly before our 9:00pm bedtime, when M.J. pointed out that we were wearing the same L.L. Bean slippers in different colors. Woefully and delightfully boring, mundane, and middle-aged.
This week, I had soul-filling catch-ups with both of my kids and a couple of friends, two on the phone, two in person. I made the schlep to meet my sister for a Tu b’Shvat seder at our synagogue, which brought perfect doses of ritual, meaning, and connection. Tree metaphors made their way into client sessions, and I pondered narrowing my coaching practice to Jewish writers.
One other thing that has taken root is that I am reading consistently. YAY. Last night, after cleaning up from dinner, I beelined for this very spot on the couch and picked up my book, not my phone. YAY.
In the short class I did this morning, at one point, Brea, the teacher, spoke of wanting us to be “strong, stable, and learning new movement patterns.” Her words resonated immediately. That’s it, I thought. I want to be strong, stable, and learning. Her words felt akin to breath flowing through a well-hydrated body. They transmitted to my brain, which I can sense is slowly and surely developing new neural pathways.
It is not lost on me that these changes come in the wake of having made some bigger shifts. Not going back to school, leaving social media – these may look to the naked eye like forms of withdrawal, and that would not be untrue.
But they were also integral to a less obvious process that has everything to do with presence, returning to daily rhythms that balance my inner and outer lives, and rooting more regularly into the body. It’s funny, not funny-haha but funny-notable, that my income is way down from what it was at its peak. While this brings other stresses, my stress level overall is notably lower, and my gratitude never wanes.
When I sat down an hour or so ago, I thought I’d write 11s today. But this catalog of commonplace occurrences reflects daily life right now, and, true to the name of this newsletter, that’s what I’m here to report. Thank you for being on the other side of the words.
What routines, rituals, and rhythms are sustaining you these days? I’d love to hear.
Shabbat Shalom and love,
Jena
Your writing brings value to me, especially the everyday things because I am having to learn to live alone after a great 38 year marriage. I have been alone for a year and am just finding the energy to try and make my way. I took care of my non-mobile-Parkinson's with dementia husband 24/7 for 4 years. I promised him no nursing home and I kept my promise-barely. It was hard, demanding and sad to watch the one you love change into someone you not only don't know, but also don't like. And after he left so did much of the finances. The mortgage doesn't change and maybe there's a little less spending on food that is eaten up by the high prices! (pun completely intended).I hope MJ's surgery is successful and a quick refuah shleima (full recovery). Writing Hebrew in English letters is impossible. Be well.
Hope everything goes smoothly for MJ in surgery and recovery.
Wednesdays, Elbow Room, my local cafe opens for the week, and I always go first thing. Chatting with friends and people I don't know fills me up. I go from that to co-working. It's such a satisfying mid-week experience.
Recently I started doing the dishes with one of my daughters. I wash. She dries and puts away. She plays good music and chats to me while we do it. The clean up goes quickly and is done more thoroughly than when my kids were splitting the job, and we get some talking time that we don't have in the car anymore now that she's driving.